Monday, May 23, 2011

Norwood Young Lists Hancock Park Hot Mess

SELLER: Norwood Young
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $2,400,000
SIZE: 4,832 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Like Lady Gaga–whose Born This Way album drops today–Your Mama is Speechless over the Los Angeles home of some R&B singer we've never heard of named Norwood Young. Well, okay, not speechless but certainly slack-jawed and all bent out of shape about.

Mister Young, according to previous reports and property records, purchased his residential white elephant on a busy corner in the uppity Hancock Park neighborhood–which he rather grandiosely named Youngwood Court–way back in 1997 for $1,200,000. The 7 bedroom and 7 bathroom house recently hit the market with an asking price of $2,400,000.

As our Dallas, TX-based real estate gossip pal Candy Evans (Second Shelters) always says, "God don't like ugly."

We say, "Amen, sister amen" to that but somebody didn't give Mister Norwood the message.

Your Mama doesn't know whether we're more decoratively mortified by the faux poodles sitting at the bottom of the white-carpeted staircase in the marble-floored entrance hall or the trio of round glass tables in the dining room curiously and stupidly held aloft by ropes secured at the ceiling.

Perhaps the apple cart of our delicate sensibilities might be most upset by the the small army of David statue replicas that line the circular drive or maybe it's silly mural of Mister Norwood himself painted on the wall behind the swimming pool.

Listen, children, no one gets behind a highly-personalized day-core more than Your Mama. However, there are limits to our generosity, particularly when it comes to carpeted master bathrooms and especially when said poopers are outfitted like Mister Norwood's with a got-damn circular, sunken, jetted and gold-toned bathtub.

A short list of the home's other features, according to listing information and marketing materials, include a paneled media room, glammy guest house and a raised backyard stage for impromptu performances during backyard barbecues.

As a little added bonus for the children, we've linked over to a few photos of Mister Young posing like a wannabe supermodel in front of his house, some of which were obviously snapped during the 2007-08 holidays. Have mercy! A white overcoat with fur shawl-collar and cuffs? Bitch, pleeze. But then again, what sort of sartorial statement should we expect from a man with a white baby grand piano and a pair of over-sized all-white Chippendale-style chairs that make the "formal" living room look and feel like a damn dollhouse.

listing photos: LBC Realty

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